"I do think we need to explore the commitment problem, which has caused many women to conclude that men, as a group, have the emotional maturity of hamsters. This is not the case. A hamster is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a women, especially if she gives him those little food pellets. Whereas a guy, in a relationship, will consume the pellets of companionship, and he will run on the exercise wheel of lust; but as soon as he senses that the door of commitment is about to close and trap him in the wire cage of true intimacy, he'll squirm out, scamper across the kitchen floor of uncertainty and hide under the refrigerator of non-rediness." - Dave Barry

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, which you cannot see with the naked eye, unless you have been drinking." - Dave Barry

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." - Dave Barry

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the states, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."

-Dave Barry

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the titanic."

-Dave Barry