"Never let the demands of tomorrow interfere with the pleasures and excitement of today."

-Meredith Willson

"Live each season as it passes. Breathe the air, dunk the drink, taste the fruit, but resign yourself to the influence of each." - Henry David Thoreau

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this question out into the void. So goodnight dear void." - You've Got Mail

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives."

"Live every day as if it were your last and some day you'll be right."

"Don't be fooled by the calender. There are only as many days in the year as we make use of."

"Life is too short to wake up with regret. Love the people who treat you right. Forget the ones who don't! Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it. If it changes your life let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they only said it would be worth it." - Harvey MacKay

"It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're gonna steal your neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it."

"Nothing in life is to be feared, only understood." - Helen Keller

Opening Up: Flirting and Loving Myself

So... this is gonna be a different type of blog post for me.

As I've state before, I'm not much of an open person. I'm never sure when it's appropriate in a conversation to share something or when to talk, so I'm just a listener. However, it's hard to do that in a one sided conversation (such as a blog post).

I'm not sure why opening up is such a hard thing for me, it probably has something to do with an irrational fear of giving away a part of myself only to have it forgotten, ignored, or returned as if it were nothing... which, when written out like that, doesn't seem so irrational.

But it is constantly making my life WAY more difficult than it needs to be. Wanna know what aspect of my life it ruins the most?... Yep, relationships.

Now, of course, it effects all my relationships. But the ones it dampens the most are the relationships of a romantic variety. Meaning, I don't really have any at all.

Sure, I've had the occasional casual flings, but it's been 5 years since I've had any semblance of a real relationship. And even that wasn't very functional. I'll like people, but they never seem to like me back... not that I do much to make them aware of my feelings.

For years I thought it was because I don't have the ideal body type... sometimes I still think this is the case... but if that were the only problem I feel like I'd still have more game than I do now. Which is none.

For example, there's this guy, Jase (Yep, names have been changed. I'm not that open!). I have a serious crush on this kid. And admitting this isn't usually something I do, but I need to let it out!

He's pretty much my opposite in every social aspect (i.e. super outgoing, friendly, funny, willing to be vulnerable, can get along with anyone, etc) and he's smart and funny and cute. And I like him. And I feel like I'm super obvious with my feelings all the time... but apparently I'm not. Why?

Because I can't flirt. Not if my life depended on it. And why wouldn't I be able to flirt? Isn't flirting something that every girl is born able to do? (nope). Because I'm not able to let go and just open up, just a little. I'm not willing to be vulnerable or fun or really myself, because I'm constantly worried that he'll see me. That he'll realize all the things that I really am. Which is pathetic. But true. I don't love myself, so why the hell would he love me?

... Got depressing there for a moment, but I'm about to bring it back up. Promise.

My goal right now is self-talk. I need to stop believing that there is something wrong with me because I'm not this girl, or that girl, that everyone is always comparing me too (including myself). I love so many things about myself, and I need to start accepting the things about myself that I don't. Because maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to feel more comfortable opening up to people if I love who I am and want everyone to see me.

I know that got a little tangenty but it's what I was thinking about while I couldn't sleep and I thought, "I can't be the only one who feels this way", so to all you who feel like you aren't enough, or feel like you could never love yourself, I get it. I understand. And if you need to talk or someone to cheer you up, let me know. I don't want to be alone with this, and I don't think anyone should be.

So, my imaginary friends who I can neither see, nor hear, I hope you all remember you aren't alone, and that you need to love yourself as much as your mom loves you. Or your best friend. Or your significant other. And if you feel like no one out there loves you, including yourself, I promise you that you're wrong. Super wrong. And I'm here to listen to your stories, your woes and your pains.

Sleep well imaginary friends. And may tomorrow be the brightest day so far!

Sincerely,

S.Lorenz

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." - Mary Manin Morrissey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." - Vivian Greene

To The Virgins to Make Much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

Ole times are still a flying

And this same flower that smiles today

Tomorrow will be dying.

That glorious lamp of heaven the sun

The high he's a getting

No sooner will the race be run

The nearer he's to setting.

That age is best, which is the first

When youth and blood are warmer

Then being spent the worse and worst

Times still succeed the former.

So be not coy but use your time

And while ye may go marry

For having lost but once your prime

Ye may forever terry.

By Robert Herrick

"50 years from now don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?" - Transformers

"Too many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it time runs out." - Oliver Wendell Holmes