"One comes to believe whatever one repeats to oneself sufficiently often, whether the statement be true or false. it comes to be dominating thought in ones mind." -Robert Collier

Intro to Moi, S. Lorenz

I've always found pride in the fact that I know myself pretty well. However, as I attempted to write my introduction I was jotting down notes and I began questioning how well I really know myself. But I started to wonder is there a real "me" to know - a version of myself that I will ultimately become, or can I be any "me" that I want?

I don't have an answer to this question. Maybe after I've been doing this for a year or so I'll have a better grasp on that. After I've tried new things, gone places, met people, and made the changes that I really want to make, I'll know.

But for now here's what I do know about myself:

I love stories. In any form: movies, TV shows, books, plays, or even just people telling me their stories. I'm a total junkie. It's not uncommon for me to greet my friends with "Got any stories?" I love creating them as well. Since I was in high school I've always aspired to be a writer, an author, a novelist. I've written 3 complete books (though none have been published) and I'm constantly re-working them and coming up with others because I love having a story to tell.

I'm a deep-end thinker (I'll expound on that in a later post). I've always liked looking at the world and trying to figure out why we, as human beings, do the things we do. This would explain why I got a Bachelor's in Sociology -which has been pretty useless. You probably thought I'd have gone into English, joke's on you (and me cause that's what I should have done) but I didn't. I do, however, have a minor in Creative Writing. It did spark in me an interest, which is sometimes excessive, in pop cultural phenomenons. I find myself frequently asking questions about why we're obsessed with certain things. And rather than musing on it for a moment and then letting it go, I set out to find answers through hours and hours of research. Useless? probably. Entertaining? Definitely. (Although probably not to my friends who get sick of me nerding out over my speculations). 

So.... I'm a nerd. Don't know if you caught on to that. I love pretty much everything science fiction. I can't expand on that further without alienating half of you - however, I promise there will be posts in the future dedicated to my nerdy rantings. 

I LOVE SUPERHEROES! Love, love love... love love. Enough on that for now. More later.

[Yes, I'm aware that I keep giving you a tidbit about myself and then ripping it away, promising I'll really give it to you later... but I will. Be patient with me. I don't want you to get bored.]

I'm an 80 year old woman and a 6 year old child, all that the same time. The reason why I'm 80: I'm constantly using words that no one uses except people over 70. And mostly because I knit. In public. Often. [Don't judge!]

Reasons for why I'm 6: I like to sit on the floor, I'm ADD and can't sit still (which is one of the reasons why I knit - just so you know) and I love doing little kid stuff like finger painting and making foam swords and swashbuckling. I have a serious case of Peter Pan syndrome and I'm okay with it.

But here's some serious stuff. I'm insecure, as I'm sure we all are (and if you aren't you suck and I don't like you), and over the past several years have really closed myself off to people and experiences because they make me nervous. I have anxiety, it used to be the full blown panic-attack kind but I've gotten it pretty under control. It's been a hard thing to deal with but I've managed it. I'm not good at sharing things with people - specifically emotions - (which is why I still haven't made my blog public) but this is something that I really want, and need, to change.

And finally, to end on a happier note, I collect quotes. I love words. And when you can put them together to create in a sentence that makes you want to laugh or cry or do something great then, well, I love them even more. 

Thus, I shall leave you with one by Robert Collier: 

"One comes to believe whatever one repeats to oneself sufficiently often, whether the statement be true or false. It comes to be the dominating thought in one's mind." 

So to you, my imaginary friends, I remind you to think happy thoughts, often - even if they're false because eventually they'll become truths. 

Sincerely,

S. Lorenz