"The key here, I think is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses." - Woody Allen

"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen

“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.” – Woody Allen

"As the poets said, 'Only God can make a tree' - probably because its so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." -Woody Allen

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox." -Woody Allen

"Infatuation is when you think he's sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader  as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Connors. Love is when you realize he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader  as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford but you'll take him anyway." -Judith Viorst